#Borowitz Report Shocker - #Borowitz Writes Fake News Headline that Does Not Contain the Word #Shocker
— Dan Geddes (@dangeddes) September 14, 2013
Saturday, September 14, 2013
#Borowitz Report Shocker - #Borowitz Writes Fake News Headline that Does Not Contain the Word #Shocker
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Syria Banned from Eurovision Song Competition
Syria Banned from Eurovision Song Competition
By Dan Geddes
WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration today restated its
position that "Syria should never be admitted to the Eurovision Song Contest as
long as President Assad remains in power."
President Hollande of France gave strong support to the US's
hard-line against Syria, stating: "France has drawn a line in the sand and
will resist any Syrian attempt to enter Eurovision with an iron fist."
Reputedly, Syria has been trying to enter the televised song
contest for years, knowing Eurovision's central place in global culture outside
the United States.
Syria has been secretly fostering its own special brand of
pop kitsch in a desperate bid to win Eurovision and thus humanize their
people before a global audience and perhaps stave off a US-led NATO drone
attack.
The Syrian Minister for Culture, Hassim Ali, stated that:
"It is not fair that we are not allowed to send our best pop kitsch
band 'Kasbah Babies' to Eurovision. Israel and Azerbaijan get to go to
Eurovision every year, why not Syria? We share a border with Israel. Jordan is
eligible and they're not even on the Mediterranean."
"Damascus is the oldest inhabited city in the world. We
are very civilized. The whole world will love 'Kasbah Babies.' I promise you.
The lead singer looks just like Miley Cyrus. Except she's Syrian. And she
doesn't twerk."
Secretary of State John Kerry stated that: "At this
point, the world does not trust the opinion of the Syrian government about anything,
especially about what constitutes the best pop song in Europe. The United
States government has serious reservations about the catchiness and musical
merit of the Syrian pop group 'Kasbah Babies.' And their lead singer looks
nothing like Miley Cyrus. That is another Syrian lie."
"However, in the tragic event that Syria's Assad
government falls due to some unforeseen happenstance, we would be willing to
review our position on Syria's eligibility for Eurovision."
"We would like the Syrian people to consider these
facts while considering who to support in the Syrian civil war."
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