Interview with a Satirist: Dan Geddes

"Writing long books is a laborious and impoverishing act of foolishness: expanding in five hundred pages an idea that could be perfectly explained in a few minutes. A better procedure is to pretend that those books already exist and to offer a summary, a commentary."
— Jorge Luis Borges

Interview by D.P. Ganger

Why is The Satirist: (vol 1.) subtitled "America's Most Critical Book".

The Satirist online has been called "America's Most Critical Journal" since 1999. Other websites were already calling themselves the funniest or most hilarious, but The Satirist would be different; it would be the "most critical." Not the "most critical of America," just the most critical in general.

And The Satirist is actually more of a criticism site, a book review site than a satire site, when you see what people are reading. At least 70% of the pageviews are for the serious pieces about books or movies or whatever. So it is critical in the sense of featuring articles of serious criticism in addition to satire, which is also critical but in a different sense.

Read the rest of the interview at http://www.thesatirist.com/_thesatirist_admin/Interview_with_The_Satirist.html 

Life Remains Meaningless Until Next Apple Product Launch

By Dan Geddes, 

The Satirist http://www.thesatirist.com/news/Apple_Product_Release.html 

PALO ALTO - For many Apple consumers, the long delay between product releases from the Cupertino, California hardware giant is proving harmful to their emotional well-being.

John Roswell, 28, of San Francisco lamented: “I haven’t been able to lord my technological superiority over my friends for more than six months now, since I bought an Ipad Mini last fall. I just can’t wait any longer for the new Apple TV, the iWatch, the iRadio, the next iPhone. Anything. What the hell is Apple doing? I keep going to the Apple store, but the ‘geniuses’ there don’t know anything. What the f-!”

March 2013 was the first March in many years that did not bring a major Apple product announcement.

Sandy Vu, 23 of New York complained: “Some of my Google Android friends are starting to get a little uppity, saying their Samsung Galaxy 5 is better than my iPhone, just because it has a bigger screen. Or even that Google’s Ice Cream Sandwich is a more user-friendly operating system than Apple’s iOS! But was Android designed by Steve Jobs, a universally loved and recognized super genius? I think not. I think people are a little cheap to not buy the best technology that money can buy. Samsung is just crappy Chinese technology.” (Editor’s note: Samsung is a South Korean company, not Chinese. And it’s not crappy.)

Martha Lanyard, 45, of Boston confessed: “I have to admit I’ve been very depressed about the lack of a new Apple product. It’s been ages. Life seems sort of meaningless to me now. My doctor has upped all my meds, but nothing has helped. My iPhone 4S is getting discolored from use. I’m trying to hold out on replacing it until the next major upgrade, but I don’t know how much longer I can wait!”

“For God’s sake, Apple! Spend some of that $140 billion you have in the bank and make something! We’re dying here. We’ll all on the brink. What I’m really waiting for them to make is a better, Apple version of myself, probably as a robot. I’d call it the iMe.”


 Read the rest of the story at The Satirist http://www.thesatirist.com/news/Apple_Product_Release.html  

Support the Troops: US Troops to Be Quartered in Private Homes

 

By Dan Geddes, The Satirist

WASHINGTON - The Obama Administration announced today its new policy of quartering US troops and domestic security agents in private residences "for the safety of the people in these dangerous times."

Known as "Support the Troops," President Obama himself announced the new Executive Order.

"Let me be clear. This is a time of great national danger. The most effective way to stop another 9/11 or Newtown massacre before it starts is to move troops into private homes where they can protect the people right where they live."

"A large number of crimes are committed, planned and imagined in private residences every day. Why should we stand idly by while this happens? We must take pre-emptive action now, before it is too late."

Obama Administration spokesman Philip Frost provided more details: "The presence of troops and Stateside Security agents in private homes will deter people from crimes such as cheating on their taxes, illegally downloading videos, or planning to attend any future Occupy-style protests that may or may not occur."

Frost continued: "We would like to stress the voluntary nature of this program. When the US military and SWAT teams show up on your door requesting accommodation in full battle regalia, you may of course choose to opt out of the program."

Read the rest of the story at http://www.thesatirist.com/news/Support_the_Troops__20130401.html