World Leaders Vow to Resume Screwing Up the World after Summer Break
By Dan Geddes
GENEVA – Despite an enjoyable summer in
elite resorts, the world's political and economic leaders are planning to resume
screwing up the world again in early September.
"The world community has had a nice
six-week break from our destructive policies," said an anonymous official
for the European Central Bank. "But now it's almost time for us to get
back to work, toying with with the economies of the Euro zone."
"People have grown indifferent to the
many financial crises: Cyprus, Greece, Portugal. We will have to make things
much worse just to produce the same level of general despair as before. It's
exhausting."
Wallace White, a spokesman, for the Federal
Reserve Bank agreed. "We find it odd that the whole world isn't obsessed more
with our policies. We will have to take everyone on a wild ride in order to get
the sort of attention that we crave."
"Will we raise interest rates? Will we
taper our quantitative easing policy, or were we just kidding to spook the
markets? Boo! Ha ha. It's all I can think about."
